A friend just got his first directing gig and sent out a request for a stage manager.

Always one to be Helpy Helperton, lonelydumptruck immediately sent back this email -

I would like to nominate former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens as your stage manager. I think you will find former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens to be cunning, reliable, and uniquely suited to this exiting task. Plus, it is my understanding that Ted is available and looking for new opportunities to continue his exemplary record of service to our state

Please seriously consider our friend former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens.

Best Regards,

lonelydumptruck