As I finished my usher briefing, I came out of the theatre just in time to catch a horrific crash from the catering area. I waited and gave them a couple moments, then headed over to check. The catering staff was already, hurriedly, sweeping up bit of pot and throwing out plastic fern fronds from the plant that usually sat on top of the beer fridge.
My friend came over to me. "That wasn't an accident," He told me earnestly. "That plant was suicidal. It threw itself off that fridge. We saw the note."
I told him that if he brought me the note, then we could talk.
A few minutes later, he came back with a piece of paper stained with that foamy/gritty stuff they put in planters to hold the plants still. It read:
I cannot take this life any longer. I feel like such a fake. I have to end this now.
Goodbye, cruel, dark corner.
So I did what any sensible house manager would do.
I wrote it up in my report and attached the note as evidence.